Lucifer

OK Lucifer was supposed to be one of the most beautiful of angels, the "angel of light" I would like at least once to see a movie or TV show depict him as beautiful and seductive. We know fear, fear teaches us something is wrong. the darker side of our nature is attractive and is hard to resist. It is something that we have to watch for in ourselves and keep our base desires in check

learning from history

I am frustrated when "political correctness" and "revisionist history" coincide. My ancestors (even fairly recent ones) did things that I would never find acceptable. Our Nation has done terrible terrible things.

We should learn from these things, we should own the fact that our, ancestors and our nation did things wrong. Our society is gleeful to point a finger at other nations and cultures that do no more than that which our predecessors have done.

My family owned slaves, both black,and white. It is not something I am proud of but a fact of my lineage. My family "owned" bondsmen. Those who were in debt to my ancestors gave up their freedom or the freedom of their children to satisfy the debt.

These are historical facts I choose to learn from. I choose to learn from the mistakes of my fathers and my grand fathers.

I endeavor to learn from this past injustice. I won't pretend they didn't happen but I will not apologize for the mistakes of an age and culture I was not part of.

Building upon the knowledge gained from the mistakes of past generations, I hope to be a better man than they had the opportunity to be.

competition

Things I learned by competing.

1. I lose more than I win. I don't like that, which is why I keep trying to win.

2. There are more losers than winners in any game. (see number one)

3. If I always win I will not try to improve, and eventually I will lose.

4. No one always wins.

5. Any one can lose so they might as well lose to me.

6. If I work hard enough I will be hard to beat.

7. Sometimes no matter how hard I work I might still lose.

8. My best is not always _good enough_

9. I can do better at a given skill than others. That does not make me a better person.

10. I have weaknesses. This does not make me a lesser person.

Trust v Faith

I have seen a couple words bandied about in recent years and used almost as synonyms. these words are faith and trust.

Faith - Faith is believing in what can not be known and sometimes can not be either proven or dis-proven. Belief in deity is an act of faith. Belief that humanity is innately good is in many ways an act of faith. Even the belief that there is no deity or afterlife is an act of faith.

Trust - Trust is the belief in the properties, or lack there of, of an object concept or person. Allowing some one into my home with the belief that they mean no harm, is an act of trust. Belief that my fall harness will save my life if properly used is an act of trust. Believing that some one will take from me if given the chance is an inverse act of trust.

Faith is a choice, given without need of acceptance, Trust is something that can only be earned or lost.

December Hollidays

The Miracle of the Lights is the reason for the Hanukkah season

To all my Jewish friends
Shabbat Shalom

The Celebration of the birth of Christ is the reason for the Christmas Season

To all of my Christian Friends
Merry Christmas.

The change of seasons and the seasonal rebirth of the world is the reason for the Yule Season

To all my Friends who practice Historic and Earth based faiths, Joyous Yuletide!

In the darkest part of the northern year, many religions have Holidays, but in the end, it is about Faith.

Faith is the Reason for the Seasons no matter how you celebrate.

May faith be with each of you in this season of celebration.

where I came from

Slightly depressing post, skip at your leisure...

Abused husbands exist. We are phantoms in the modern ideology, but we are here. We survive day to day and some of us get out. We make a drastic life changing decision to walk away from what is comfortable. Yes Comfortable, no mater how familiar it is. Pain can be comfortable.

The worst thing thinking back to when I allowed myself to be used and abused is that much of it I did to myself. I was bound by guilt and fear. I beat myself down in the name of "Doing the right thing"

I allowed myself to believe what was being said about me and the image that was being portrayed even though I knew it to be lies.

I knew what I was doing to myself and to my child was wrong and the guilt drove me to the brink of death.

I walked away and still allowed myself to be abused. I was lambasted and even nearly ran over by a Buick. I was taken advantage of and felt guilt for not doing more.

One day as I was becoming what I hated, becoming a user, I met a Woman who offered me .. not love; but unconditional affection.

I ran like hell. I was more afraid of this than anything I had ever encountered. I went to ground and hid in a safe spot. From that safe spot I began to grow and eventually was fortunate enough to grow beyond my experience and grow enough that I could have a real, lasting relationship.

In time I found my Wife, we argue fight and spat and then we hold each other keeping warm against the cold fear of night.

I have written this before and deleted it. I am in hopes I don't this time.

I _was_ an abused husband. Emotionally and mentally abused. I was an abused man. I am fortunate now to be a cherished partner in a real relationship. I am fortunate to acknowledge that I deserve to be respected.

We exist.

Hollidays

I didn't go to college (much) I don't have a pledge pin or a set of Greek letters to connect me to my brothers and sisters. I don't have memories of rush. I am happy for any who have this idea and ideal, Fraternal love is ever abounding in many ways.

When I was of that age I took a different path.

I do remember how the Men and Women beside me might save my life and that I might be required to give mine for them.

I do remember the oath my Brothers and Sisters took, Right hand raised, frightened but proud, Fierce and unknowing.

I will always remember on my Holy days to remember to pray for my Shipmates, for all of those who Serve our nation. I sleep warm because they walk upon that wall and say "not on my watch."

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Yuletide, ...

may God be with you, where ever you are.

God's Will

I have read and heard allot in the media lately about what is and isn't "God's Will"

Often when I hear this I remember my Grandfathers sermons and the lessons he taught. I am sure he would not necessarily agree everything _I_ took from his lessons, but this is how I understand one of the many lessons he taught me

God does care about each of us. God cares so much we were each given the choice, the choice to do right or to do wrong. The Father watches each of us and weeps for our failures and rejoices in our triumphs, but the mighty creator of all things , his will, his intent.. _will_ be done. If not by us then by another.

It is our choice to be an instrument of God. It is our choice if we should be an instrument of the world. These things do not exclude one another. It is only when we choose to be an instrument of destruction and to tear down another person for our own gain that we choose to turn our face from God.

Should we meet our Creator in the here after and hear the words "I know you not" it was our will; and our doing.

What Makes a man?

Good boy, Bad boy , Dude Bro, Dweeb

Lots of other descriptions of human males exist but the one we all strive for, the one we want to be called.. is a Man.
So what's the difference? What separates a true Man from any kind of boy? What keeps Bros, dweebs, hard core guys, and the endless list if Man-child titles from being Men?

There are many answers but I will refine it to Three
I learned these from being first an uncertain geek, and then a shiftless thug eventually a true bad boy and finally growing up and being a man.

Confidence. Not the frat boy "I'm gonna get some" BS but real confidence. The knowledge that you really are good at what you do.. not just having a degree or certification but proof that you can do what you do well It is a quintessential growth moment. Being able to feel like that without showing others or using it to make others feel bad.. now that. is real confidence. both Men and women, in work and Romance find this quality attractive as nectar to bees.

Creativity. We have to build not with timber and nails or stone. Any one can tear down but it takes skill and patience to build. Building oneself and others. A Man doesn't need to be in the sunshine casting shadow. He will improve himself by helping others along the way. It is truly said the greatest way to teach is to learn and the greatest way to learn is to teach.

A moral code.

This one is one of the hardest. It is the hardest because it is the one most often tested. It seems simple, crime and law, wrong and right. It takes many wrong decisions and being beaten down into the dirt, only to pick our selves up again and move on .. again and again... Some times being brought low for just cause some times not. It is picking ourselves up and refusing to be the least common denominator that makes us truly learn our own thoughts of right and wrong.

These things make a Man. Confident, Creative, Moral.